


Engagement

by Aliciamaelove



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 02:22:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aliciamaelove/pseuds/Aliciamaelove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a class, i had to look up words and then use those words to write a story. My words were very dark and this came out of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Engagement

The defiling deed that he did against me, it burns into my skin every day. Let alone, I am pregnant now. I didn’t want to have sex before I was married. I didn’t want to have my life turned all the way around in the masterful way of pain. I care nothing of myself. right now all that matters is the baby. I have to be good enough for him, I don’t matter. I had found out a while ago, and I was going to break up with the horrid boyfriend that I have. I am too afraid of him hurting me, of him hurting the baby. Tonight I was telling my parents with his presence as well. He didn’t know, my parents didn’t know, no one knew. I wonder what my parents would say, I was telling them everything if they liked it or not. I still had to get ready for dinner. My clothes kept getting tighter and tighter. My self-esteem was gone, my image was gone, and my everything was gone.  
6 o’clock, I read, I could hear the murmur of voices downstairs. I am only 19; I didn’t want this to happen. This is all my fault, who else’s could it, be? I was the one that instigated it; I was the one that started the relationship. Maybe if I was just a nicer person, a better person. Maybe if I wasn’t so needy. Maybe if I wasn’t so worthless. I finish my look, before heading downstairs to see my very Christian parents, and very cruel boyfriend chatting. I wonder what they would say, all of them. Maybe we shouldn’t go out, maybe we should. My mind is so clouded that I can barely see the basics.  
The basics, I was raped by my boyfriend of a year and bit. He isn’t a Christian and always thought it was strange to not have sex before marriage. 4 months ago, this happened, he had been drinking excessive amounts. He had lost his mind, but yet he still remembers. He hit me, he hurt me. He threw me on the bed and had his way with me. I had tried so hard to blur the lines, so I couldn’t remember anything. I am so broken, what am I supposed to do with myself, with my life. Everything for the baby I thought. I looked around the room, as I had drifted into my own broken world, as I do normally.   
“Are you all ready to go?” I asked so quietly, that a mouse couldn’t have heard me, yet they all looked up my squeaky voice.   
“You look stunning tonight dear,” My mother said, with the gleaming hope in her eyes, as I had been acting crazy lately.   
“Thank you mom,” I smiled, my gaze avoiding him, whose name has still brought me pain when said. He stood up striding towards me, with the evil look gleaming in his eyes.  
“Beautiful,” He said, with a grip of a thousand men being clung to my side.   
“Thank you Josh.” I barely stuttered.   
“Well we must be off now,” My father said, with his booming laugh filling the room.   
Josh kept his tight grip on me, nearly tearing me apart. I wanted to run; I wanted to hide from him. I want him gone. I never thought in all my time that I would have something like this stole from me; I never thought I would just lose everything. I had one thing to keep and I failed. I couldn’t find myself. I didn’t want to. The drive to the restaurant was long and terrifying, my heart was beating outside of my chest, and my brain was going at 5000 miles per hour. I had no clue what I was hiding it for, I had no clue what would happen.   
We finally arrived, and were quickly seated, my body was shaking from anticipation of pain and horror. I opened my mouth to speak unaware of the words that I would say. Confused, broken and hurt is all that I can think about. How does one move on from this, how does one just speak this. We all got settled. I opened my mouth again, words began to pour out.  
“I’m pregnant, because he raped me.” I said, louder than I had every spoke before.   
“YOU’RE PREGNANT!” my mother screamed, her face breaking into pieces.   
“Yes, only because he raped me.”  
“I don’t care, you guys are getting married. No fighting no arguing. Nothing.” She said. My world broke.   
1 year later.   
Married, with a child, whose father beats me on a daily basis! How do I live, I am not sure. Right now my baby is out with the babysitter, and all I think of is how to get rid of my abusive husband. The plan was in place. The only way to end both of our everlasting pain, I look at him sleeping drunkenly on the couch. I hated everything about Josh, he wasn’t anything special, and I mostly hated my parents. Soon the tombstones will read ‘Here lays Sarah and Josh Smith.’   
I ran over to the shed, picking up the majority of the gasoline, pouring it all over the house, in every room, in every crack, everywhere. We were both dead, I drenched him in gasoline as well, before doing it to myself. If He went down, I went down with him. I wrote my goodbyes, I wrote the will, I wrote anything that would ever be need. I wrote to my baby boy Andrew.   
‘Dearest Andrew, you won’t ever remember me. I had to do what I did. I am sorry you don’t have any parents, I am sorry you don’t have anything. You mean the world to me, you mean everything to me. You are everything that is ever needed. You are my baby boy. One day when you read this you will ask why? I was abused by you father, for the whole year we were married. You were at the cause of rape, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I love you more than anything. I had to make sure that your abusive father never got a hold of you; I had to keep you safe. I will always watch over you, even if you hate me. I love you darling; forever I will be watching you. Love Mom.’   
I folded them neatly, placing them in a basket near the front of the lawn. That was the end. I walked by inside, grabbing the matches throwing them around the house, and finally onto Josh. I looked at his horrified face, as his body burned alive, my body burned. I felt nothing, I was all out of feelings I was out of everything. I was done with my life. The last feeling of joy came over my body as I died. I heard sirens, I heard screams. I was gone. He was gone. The world was a better place now.


End file.
